1991 - 2025

Sending big hugs. Darby (Kiwi) and I were "Kesem married" in 2013. I will always be grateful to Darby for taking me under her wing and being a joy to be around. Will miss her.

I am truly at a loss for words. Darby and I only met this year, but we instantly bonded and became close friends while working together on a high-profile project. It was an absolute delight because of her positive, fun-loving personality. I find it hard to believe she ever met a stranger.
Sending all my love to Jackson, Wyatt, and everyone helping to organize support for them and their families. I feel so lucky to have had the privilege of knowing Darby.

I was devastated to hear of Darby’s passing. She and I worked together at F5 and really got to know each other through a mentoring relationship. Darby’s intelligence, sharp wit, and warm personality will forever be missed, and I was truly grateful to have had the opportunity to call her a friend. 

My sincere condolences for Jackson, Wyatt, and the family for this tragic loss. We have truly lost a star with Darby’s passing. 

It has been so beautiful going back through the photos I have with/of her. Don’t worry, the cigar was just a prop and was not lit!

I had the honor of being Darby’s wedding photographer. I want to begin by saying how deeply, unbelievably sorry I am for your loss. I know that the grief I feel is only a tiny fraction of what your hearts must be carrying.

I imagine so many people will tell you what an extraordinary light Darby was — and I can only echo that with my whole heart. As a wedding photographer, I meet hundreds, if not thousands, of people every year. Darby was different. Darby was special.

From the moment I met her, it felt like we had been friends forever. Her gift for connection was immediate and genuine, and her energy was contagious. We chatted for many hours over a few dinner dates, and let me tell you, she loved you all more than you could ever imagine. As a newcomer into her world, I learned so much about the people who mattered most to her. When I look back at her images and remember being in her presence that day, the warmth she gave to everyone around her is unmistakable — laughing, joking, reminiscing, completely herself.

Jackson, she adored you. She talked about you and Wyatt with so much joy and tenderness. She was nervous for the next chapter, as many are, but she was so excited to step into it with you. On your wedding day, I remember thinking over and over, “They’re going to make it.” What you two had was rare.

Sending all my love and deepest condolences to each of you.

I met Darby through a friend of a friend when she first moved to Boston. We became buddies instantly and for the next few years she was a constant in my life. We danced at bars, took road trips, read tarot cards, went to baseball games, decorated Christmas trees, talked about what we wanted from our careers and partners and life. When she moved to Seattle we kept in touch and I got to see her settle into a beautiful life, the beginning of everything she always wanted.

Darby was effervescent, intelligent, so funny. I hope I will always remember her laugh. It may be a cliche, but she was truly beautiful inside and out.

I wish I had called her the last time I was in Seattle. I thought “next time when I’m in town longer and have more time.” There is never enough time.

I am sending all my love to Darby’s many friends, the Bukowskis and her entire family, and most of all Jackson and Wyatt through this unbelievable tragedy. 

I'm so sorry to hear about this loss. She will always be 'kiwi' to me. She was one of the most amazing souls. She lit up every room she walked into and she made kesem a different experience.
Sending love to all her close friends and family. Praying for everyone and her baby.

There were quite a few of us who met Darby through a friend when she moved to Boston. It's hard to make friends as an adult but Darby had a close group of friends within weeks of moving. I remember calling my dad soon after we met and telling him "I just feel like we're going to be good friends" because how could you not want to be good friends with Darby. She was such a light, you couldn't help but want to be around her. I managed to convince Darby to come with me to the Harvard vs Yale football game at Fenway and we went to Yardhouse beforehand. We found ourselves in the middle of a Yale tailgate at the bar and Darby convinced the bartender that we were Yale alums who left our drink tickets at home. I'm 90% sure he knew she was lying but gave us tickets anyway because you couldn't say no to Darby's effervescence. Though we lost touch when she moved, Darby has had a lasting impact on everyone she's met. The world feels a little darker without Darby in it. Sending all my love and condolences through this devastating tragedy.

From the day Darby and Jackson moved into the house across the street from our home in West Seattle, my husband and I were enchanted. It wasn’t just Darby’s warm beautiful nature and Jackson’s gentle smile, but the love and kindness they showed to each other that we appreciated. Darby touched our hearts profoundly. We will always cherish our memories of her. God bless you always Jackson and Wyatt.

Darby was one of the most incredible persons I’ve ever met. A literal once in a million type person. I consider myself social but Darby had friends in every stop of her incredible journey that she called life. I met Darby through a friend of a friend. A person I thought I would meet in passing. Little did I know that brief introduction would lead to a friendship I would cherish forever and connection that would change my life. Darby was a beautiful soul. A person you could spend a day with and feel like you’ve known her for a life time. Darby was a ray of sunshine in a bleak life. A kickstart in a stagnant and boring story. I feel bettered and blessed for having known Darby and lucky to call her a friend. I’m a better man for meeting her and appreciate the opportunity of calling her my friend.

Darby first reached out to me on LinkedIn after I spoke on a women’s leadership panel. Her message stood out from the dozens I received — it had a different spark. I remembered it months later and finally wrote her back to see if she still wanted to meet up, since we both lived in Seattle. That was January 2024.

The moment I met her, I felt something unique. Maybe it was her radiant smile, maybe it was the way she hugged me like we had known each other forever, or maybe it was simply her energy — open, generous, confident, warm. What was meant to be a short 30-minute introduction became a 90-minute conversation, and many more followed.

We first connected over our shared professional love of change management, and I was helping her with her job search at the time. That spring, she told me she and Jackson had found a home in West Seattle, and I was thrilled to know we would be neighbors. From there we continued to meet around the neighborhood, and a real friendship began to grow. She and Jackson even joined us for my small retirement gathering in June — they fit in effortlessly and immediately.

We were disappointed to miss their wedding after-party as we had already planned a trip to Las Vegas. Ironically, I did meet Darby’s mom by complete chance — we ended up sitting side-by-side at a nail salon the week of the wedding, getting mani-pedis. What are the odds?

We saw Darby and Jackson again at our annual holiday party, and later the three of us met for brunch in early winter. The last time I saw her was back at that same nail salon — this time on purpose — enjoying a mani-pedi together on her day off. It was there that she shared her joyful news: she was pregnant. She was absolutely glowing. She was so ready and excited to be a mom.

We weren’t able to attend the baby shower in August, something I truly regret. Chris and I were out of the country for much of September and October, and when we returned, I texted Darby, stunned by how much time had passed and how close she was to her due date. I knew she was busy, so I told her I’d check in the week after Thanksgiving. It was an unimaginable shock to instead learn of her passing.

It’s hard to put into words the friendship we formed in less than two years. What began as a professional networking connection quickly became something much more personal and meaningful. At one point in the spring, my husband asked, “Who is this Darby? You seem to be spending a lot of time with her.” When he finally met her that June, he understood immediately — he felt the same instant connection with both her and Jackson.

I often listen to Mel Robbins’ podcast, and I once shared with Darby an episode that perfectly captured how I felt about meeting her: “Sometimes all it takes to meet some of your most favorite people in your lifetime is simply saying hello.”

Darby was one of those people for me.  

She touched my life deeply, and I will carry her memory — her kindness, her spark, her warmth — with me always. She made an indelible mark on my heart.

My heart is broken to hear this unfathomable news. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to get to know Darby this year. She was instantly warm and gracious and felt like we were fast friends immediately. I will treasure knowing Darby. The world feels dimmer at the moment. My deepest condolences to Jackson, Wyatt, and Darby's family and friends. I am so sorry.

I have such fond memories of working with Darby and Jackson when they purchased their home. Darbys smile always made me smile. She had one of those smiles- so  full of fun, hope, vivacity and love. Thank you for that memory 

I only knew Darby for a year at F5 but she left a lasting impact that I will cherish forever. We both bonded over being pregnant at the same time, navigating motherhood and raising our kids in West Seattle. She was so intelligent, caring, fun and special. I feel so honored and grateful to have known her and call her a friend. My deepest condolences to Jackson, Wyatt and the rest of her family. We truly lost such a bright shining star with Darby’s passing.

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine what you all are going through right now.

My name is Meena. Darby and I met early in 2016--almost a decade ago (which is crazy) at an admitted students event at Georgetown. I remember being struck by her energy--sheer positivity and warmth. It was clear at that event that many were putting on airs to make a good impression while it was vividly clear that Darby's kindness and connection were truly genuine. I was lucky to be her classmate and one of her friends at school.

I am grateful I had the opportunity to work closely with Darby on several projects over the last few months. She was truly the best human—bright, thoughtful, and hilarious. Darby had a way of making everyone a friend, and the world is a better place because of her and her joy. Darby will always be remembered and deeply missed, especially her contagious smile. 

Sending love and condolences to all of Darby’s family and loved ones. I will forever cherish the times we shared together.

For me, like many I'm sure, my time basking in the glory of Darby was far too short. I was briefly on Darby's change management team at F5 where our role was all about helping people work through the ups and downs of the latest changes and adjustments we all need to make. With her optimism, spirit, wit, and tenacity, Darby was a fantastic fit for such a role. Darbs, as I enjoyed calling her, brought her natural charm, humor, and charisma to the role which made it vastly more fun and enjoyable to everyone involved. I had joked about how everyone instantly would be enthralled with Darbs when meeting her. There were so many times a boring, normal meeting would be transformed into a remarkably fun exchange because of Darbs.

Her natural charisma and fun made me joke at how she was gradually recruiting for her cult following. I called it the Cult of Darbs and frequently joked at her gaining more followers from each new meeting and every project she joined. After a work meeting where another participant introduced his colleague to us and mentioned how glorious she was, it left an impression on Darbs. She casually mentioned how I should be introducing her as glorious in the meetings where I was bringing her into the project. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to know this was an immediate and highly important need to act upon. It was clearly a top priority. Within an hour later I had started to introduce "my glorious colleague Darby" to the meetings, which she graciously embraced. I even have her in my phone as Darby "Who is Glorious" Bukowski because I thought it was so funny.

I had joked about Darbito aka DJ Lil (Little Darby-Jackson) before we knew of Wyatt's official name as an enterprising new F5 recruit and an innovative way to further the Cult of Darbs for the next generation. I can only hope that Wyatt is gifted with such energy and vigor for life that Darby had. For me, friendship with Darbs, was far too short. Yet I'm thankful, all the same, and have realized she improved the lives of many, certainly including my own, in the time she was here. I'll miss her a lot and hope that she's in the best of places or wherever someone of such glorious spirit may go. 

Dear Wyatt,

Welcome to the world! By the time you read this letter, perhaps we will have met, or perhaps not. I hope you have grown up happy, with your loving dad, grandparents, and many friends around you. 

Your mom was a great friend of mine. Darby was not like the other kids. In fact, people like your mom only come around once in a while. I always referred to her as a bright light. Why? Well, the first time I met her, we worked at a big bank called M&T. I was standing outside my office one morning and your mom walked through the door like a tornado of sunshine. She had one of the biggest and most genuine smiles I've ever seen. She stopped to introduce herself without any hesitation, confidence and charm churning around her like an aura. In fact, she was in a hurry. It was only 8:00am and she already had meetings to attend. This big bank we worked at was already bending to her will and her schedule, not the other way around. 

I'm a bit older than Darby and was (still am) happily married and well into my career when we worked together. Your mom had just hit the Boston scene, finding an apartment on Beacon Hill, meeting friends, dating and doing everything a young professional should be doing in a high energy and young city like Boston. We met almost every Monday morning over coffee to talk about work, but ultimately your mom would share hilarious stories of her weekend - this ranged from staying out to late with friends, a date ending too early (stupid dating apps!) and just funny stories that Darby would tell that just drew people into her. She had this unending reserve of laughter, and while she was already a well accomplished rising star at the Bank, she loved to laugh at herself too. Make sure you think about and adopt this trait - it will get you far. One thing I remember clearly, your mom, even way back then, wanted to meet a nice boy. Someone who would adore her, who would make her laugh and have fun. Someone who respected her and who she would respect . This is no easy combination to find out there on the dating scene!! Believe me, she had a few swings and misses. Many were harmless and funny. Some were a little sad. Thank goodness your dad came along!! Since they met, Darby's smile got bigger. Her laugh got louder; her stories were beautiful. 

Darby left Boston during the pandemic to move back home in California and ultimately settled in Seattle. I was so sad when she left. We had dinner the day before she flew out. I knew we would stay in touch and am so thankful we did. We had zooms every few months, and if anything big happened in careers or life, we would seek each other out. Talk it out over zoom, get each other's advice. I always felt better after a conversation with your mom - in person or on zoom.  

Professionally speaking, your mom was a star at a young age. She was still with M&T Bank but at this point, was working directly with the President on strategic projects. I can tell you this is a very big deal. Darby caught the eye of senior management almost immediately and rose through the ranks to work with the senior team directly. 

Personally speaking, I can tell you that she was loveable throughout her life. Her friends, I among them, loved your mom. Not in the special way that your dad or your grandparents do, but in a way that just makes us want to be around her and be her friend. Darby always brought me so much joy. So much laughter. She showed such caring. More than most people, truly. As I said earlier, Darby was not like the other kids. She was special. Different. A bright light. 

When your mom left us, I was so sad - still am. All of us are. My heart breaks for you, your dad, and your grandparents. I am still absorbing a reality where there is no Darby to talk to. But just recently, something happened. I was walking down the street one night last week. It was quiet. A New England wintertime kind of quiet that makes everything go still. And I felt her then - As if she took my hand and walked with me for a little while. It was as if she wanted me to know that she isn't gone. That she is ok. That she is all around us in the air and among the stars. I believe this to be true, and I'm sure she watches over you, smiling, proud and loving.  

You take good care of yourself, Wyatt. I hope you have Darby's smile and you get to use it often. 

Sincerely,

Rick Tyson, a friend of your mom

Please email memories to darbymem@gmail.com for us to collect here (and privately) for the family.